President Trump Rolls Out “Trump Diet”: Fewer Meals, Longer Walks, Thanks to Soaring Gas and Food Prices
Washington, D.C. — In a press briefing that stunned reporters, President Donald J. Trump announced his latest plan to “Make America Healthy Again”: the Trump Diet™, a national wellness strategy based on sky-high food and gas prices.
“You want to lose weight? You stop eating so much. You stop driving everywhere. You walk, you sweat, and you win,” Trump declared, standing beside a gold-plated treadmill shaped like a cheeseburger.
📈 Anchored in Reality: Prices Are Still High
Despite the president’s claims that inflation is “gone” and prices are “down big,” official data and news outlets tell a different story:
- Groceries are still rising: According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, food-at-home prices remain up by 2.4% year-over-year as of May 2025.
- Gasoline prices are averaging $3.52 per gallon nationally, per AAA, with some metro areas hitting $4.00+.
- Trump recently told voters that under his leadership, gas was once “$1.98 a gallon” and eggs were “basically free,” claims that were rated mostly false by multiple outlets including CBS News and ABC News .
💡 The “Trump Diet” Plan
Step 1: Eat Less, Save More (or Try To)
“When groceries cost more, people eat less. It’s math. It’s genius.”
Step 2: Walk More, Drive Less
“High gas prices are a motivation! You’re walking 6 miles to work cause gas is so expensive, that’s free cardio!”
Step 3: Profit
?
🧍 Real Americans React
Betsy R., from Texas:
“I used to be mad about gas prices. Now I’m down 20 pounds cause I am hunger all the time. Trump’s a genius.”
Chad W., from Ohio:
“No groceries, no gas, no money no problem. I eat ramen dust and jog to work. Haven’t seen my kids in a week, but I look incredible.”
Dr. Linda Park, nutritionist (not fake):
“This is not a diet. It’s price-gouging with a treadmill attached.”
🧾 Expert Fact Check
- Food prices remain high.
- Gas is not cheap.
- Weight loss should not involve involuntary fasting.
DISCLAIMER:
This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only. President Trump has not officially announced a “Trump Diet” or claimed that higher food and gas prices are part of a national health plan. All quotes are fictional except where cited from real public statements.
